Sometimes it's rotton apples!

Lots of people lately tell me that I am an inspiration and that they admire my strength...The way I see it is that the fact that anyone thinks I am strong or that I inspire them is amazing to me! I have always just been me, not too much of a stand out, not jumping off of the page at anyone, just a regular girl doing regular things....or at least I thought they were regular. The reason I mention this is because I want to say THANK YOU to all of you that have supported me and continue to support me. Does it sound funny for me to say that you inspire me to inspire you?? LOL

I have a lot of inner strength, but I have realized that without all of the encouragement, love and prayers I wouldn't have gotten this far without cracking up! Well...those of you that read this blog already know I am a little cracked to begin with, but still!! haha I may have said this before (no, I am not going to go back and read all of my entries to find it) but when all of this is said and done, I want to pay it forward...I want to do something for someone else in my position - or anyone that is sick - and make an impact on their life, like all of you have on me. With that said, I am open to suggestions on how I can accomplish this, and I would love to have help with it. Maybe I could speak at a seminar or something - LOL HEY - I did get an A+ and student of the year in my speech class a couple of years ago....we all know I can talk (and sometimes not shut up). Let me know what you come up with and who wants to help on my mission.

I will still continue to support The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and raise money for Light the Night next year. Team Joni rocked it this year and I know we can do it again next year. My pay it forward mission is something that I want to do above and beyond that :o)

Now, to the good, the bad and the ugly for the week. Remember that PET Scan from October 27th??? Well (for those of you not on Facebook) the results came back and they were....get ready....wait for it....here it comes....NEGATIVE!!!!! There is no sign of cancer from my eyes to my thighs!! After just two chemotherapy treatments with ICE (some nasty shit) I am clear of cancer! My blood work was equally impressive with the exception of slight anemia and slightly low RBC's...but nothing to be concerned about. That is the good :o)

The bad is that I still had to do a third round of chemo. I guess my two doctors (my oncologist and my UCLA oncologist) agreed to go ahead and do it - for good measure(???) I guess it is not really that bad since all they are doing is taking good care of me...but I would soon curse them both!

And then there is the ugly...and boy was it ugly! I went in Tuesday full of piss and vinegar, ready to face my last chemo like a champ. Business as usual, right?? Yea well no one told me that round three was to be my knockout round! After chemo I went to see Kelly and Tanner and we went to Olive Garden...standard operating procedure - get first day of chemo and pig out with Kelly! This time was different, I think I ate too much and by the time I got home I was going downhill. Wednesday came and I put on my happy face, but was not on my game. Came home and went straight to bed. Thursday came and I was not feeling good at all, got my chemo and went home - straight to bed. Friday I had to go get my shot (the white count booster). I woke up with burning when I peed (I know, I know TMI),I didn't want to get out of bed, I forgot to take my cocktail of pills that help my bone pain and I wanted to hunt down two oncologists and poke them in the eyeballs! I got my shot and tested for a urinary infection (which was negative, I just needed more fluids) and went home...and, you guessed it - straight to bed! My poor mom drove from Menifee to Yucaipa to get me, took me to Rancho for the shot, drove me back to Yucaipa and then went home - all with me being in a crappy mood...Thank you mom!!

Anyhow, I did not get out of bed until Sunday when I pushed myself a little too hard to go to Daylon's last game and team party - how could I not go, they came in first place, undefeated for the season and I am proud - even though I cried getting out of the car because I felt like shit! Nothing is going to stop me from being there for my boys...even if they don't realize what it took to get me there - they know I am there :o) I came home and went straight to bed and now I am here writing my blog on Monday morning - Yes, I even felt too bad to type!

So, there you have it...although I may be positive, strong, happy and a fighter 95% of the time...sometimes I get the beat down and it takes me a little longer to get back up. I turn weak, sad and have no fight in me for a little while. This last chemo proved that I am actually human and sometimes I need to just sit down and realize that it is okay to feel like crap...because this too shall pass!


As for what is in store in the near future, I should be getting a dual line port put in soon in order to harvest my stem cells, a tour of the UCLA facility and a timeline or "schedule of events". Bring on the transplant, I am ready to rock and roll!! If anything, I need this to be over with so I can grow some damn hair back...this bald crap sucks - my head is always cold!! Grrrrrrr

Today's plans - I think I will get some laundry done and get out of this bedroom. We will see how it goes once I actually get out of bed :o)

xoxo - Joni